Serious question. That I have no answer to because it's how I've gotten through vast swathes of my life and learned quite a few things. I suspect it's because some online authors and their often ignorant commentators are made out of 1) cotton candy and 2) crocodile tears. The minute any of these mostly ethereal creations realize their arguments are blown apart with an innocent demeanor and a well-thought-out question or two, symptoms 1) and 2) erupt until everyone with critical thinking skills is kicked out as a troll so those good at not thinking can resume their peaceful-'til-roused-by-anyone-not-mouthbreathing-ways. Which, you know, makes baby Jesus cry.
And that's not the last time you'll hear about him in this post.
Today was exciting enough (it rained and turned cold so I hibernated) that I spent maybe three hours researching skin creams, skin peels, and microdermabrasion kits but decided to buy nothing (whatever I'm doing lately - unfortunately I have no idea what it is* - makes my skin look so much better than it did all winter that I hesitate to dive into the seamy world of pimples, rashes, scars, abrasions and chemical burns that cosmetic giants so gleefully offer with free two-day shipping when you use Amazon Prime). Later on, while doing surveys (sort of a part-time job) I couldn't stop mulling over how the Bible repeatedly breaks the laws of physics (the surveys were obviously all of the prop-my-eyes-open-with-toothpicks variety).
To make this easier to grasp, I'll preface by saying that throughout my thirties I read the Bible cover to cover many times, in many forms (King James, NKJV, The Book) and have read endless amounts of mostly bookstore-grade theology that - depending on who you trust to do the illuminating - can supposedly illuminate many parts of it, so I feel I have a pretty good grasp of most of the stories it tells; for me the Bible is a thickly disguised moral primer with a few excellent stories that are often allegorical and metaphorical in nature mixed in with oddly juxtaposed, rather spectacular fantasies - I want to do their drugs, yo.
That said - and also given the fact that after years of re-reading and consulting theological references, I think I understand most of the rather heavily veiled statements Jesus made throughout his life, especially during talks with his disciples and within his sermons - some of what he said can still go ziiiiiiip right over my head. Like when he was telling off the Pharisees, whom he rabidly hated the way most of us hate cancer only maybe a million times more? And he said, Blind Pharisee! First clean the inside of the cup so that the outside of the cup will be clean, too.
If I were to give Jesus credit for anything, it would be for how I'm reminded of him and his rather tricky temper every time I do dishes, at least once per day for the past 15 years now. What he said breaks the laws of physics. Try doing it sometime and see what happens. By the same token, cleaning the outside of a cup will not clean the inside, either. This is the lesson of the clean-the-inside-first example: the Pharisees are superficial monsters who think prancing around in clean, temple-ready clothes and making sure their ringlets swing just the right way as they say their prayers loudly on the corner (taking obsessive care of outward appearances) will make them appear clean on the inside, too - that the appearance of piety is 'good enough' - though it proves nothing. Point taken. The crime committed against physics to prove this point, though, is unforgivable, even if it does eventually force one to arrive at a greater truth about religious-acting people.
A less physics-law-bending example might have been, "If you put clean food inside of you then you will glow outwardly with cleanliness, too") but I suppose 1) the Pharisees would've thought Jesus was merely handing out lackluster diet advice and taken him so literally they would've missed the point altogether and 2) back in Jesus' day not much was known about food - and let's face it, what most people ate 2,000 years ago was probably good for you compared to the crap we consume today - food could not easily kill you back then except by spoiling before you ate it. No twenty-to-fifty-year-long slow death (in other words, a typical, normal life for most of us) resulting in obesity, COPD, heart attack, stroke, and/or cancer from some pre-processed, sugar-laden diet and a total lack of exercise for that bunch, no siree. So in a very real way my version of Jesus's advice would make no sense 2,000 years ago except perhaps in the ritualistic sense of clean and unclean offerings, or in the even more common sense of clean and unclean food, but these things had exactly nothing to do with Jesus's intended lesson.
Do you too have a point in the Bible in which the laws of physics are broken so completely that you could run on and on about it like I just did? I considered covering more than one example but it's late and I'm tired. Which is how - and why - a lot of my posts end before they should, come to think of it...
*It could be how in the last week I've started applying a very light, thin coating of no-name baby oil right after my nightly shower and just a minute or two before I apply my $6 WalMart retinol, but I can't believe that such cheap crap could work this good. But I've noticed my skin is softer and more luminous and even the fiance has said positive things about it. Without being asked.