marahmarie: Sheep go to heaven, goats go to hell (Default)
[personal profile] marahmarie

I need to process it, first. My mind, like most minds do, works like a series of input/outputs, with the perhaps crucial difference that quick reactions often don't serve me well (but sometimes do, surprising everyone, including myself). Imagine a stack of five coffee filters resting about a 1/4 of an inch apart throughout my brain.

Input goes in the top and hits the first filter. This one's capable of sorting out only the most primitive, highly emotional of reactions, so when it comes to most of the news, I've learned to sympathize with but otherwise ignore what flows through this one. More input comes in. More top layer/primitive output. Gah. OK. I ignore this, too.

Eventually information starts bubbling down to a second filter. As facts and opinions drip through, patterns - links between one story and another, which can be on different topics altogether - start to form, and I start weighing and contrasting things against my beliefs, instincts, feelings, thoughts, and things I understand to be true on a rational level. This is the point where I'll start seeing some of the dots not connected by the media, and feel disappointment at the sheer crush of information overwhelming us to the point what's being reported can no longer cohere.

But I want cohesion. Because part of my mind - even in dreams - is focused almost non-stop on meta-analysis. I don't want to just report the news. I want to understand it, know what it means, what it's leading to, and what we might do about it. Until I can come up with that - or, failing that, at least come up with a sarcastic-sounding way to handwave it off because of the pure fuckery it is - I sometimes can't write at all.

This leads to an attitude of caution, because I don't like jumping in with an unfounded opinion. I like having them as much as anybody - my locked posts can attest to that - but that some of the predictions I made are coming true as I write this is sort of scaring me, on the one hand, and making me wish anyone - anyone - reading those posts at the time (I'm thinking of the last year or so) had taken me seriously, on the other. I come at some of those posts from very personal places, so I can see how others can't tease out what's true from what's just me, say, personalizing the political, but some of it's coming true, either way.

Which is unfortunate, and maybe sort of annoying, if you're not directly affected by what's going on. And no, this is not an apologia for those posts; this is rather my defense of them. But I would rather have been wrong! Believe you know who would say.

In some ways, I won't be directly affected by too much of it, yet it bothers me as much as things that can or will, because this regime rides us like a wet slide at an amusement park: Wheeeeee, down we go! Yeah baby, let's go straight to hell and meet the devil and make Mexico pay for it later!

They do it one declaration, order, memo and act of Congress at a time, and enjoy holding us captive to their primitive base and campaign promises they swear must be kept, lest the base riot or not re-elect their loser asses. To paraphrase 1984, it's always the boot in your face. Power for the sake of power, pain for the sake of increasing their power. If you ignore the seemingly smaller things that don't affect you, how do you stop the train once it picks up enough speed to run you over?

To get back to where I was before I segued, so news and information has now hit my third filter. Three down, two to go. I'm now operating out of caution, not wanting to jump too soon, continuing to learn but staying non-reactionary while I wait for things to bubble down. Sometimes this process never finishes. If I can't come to a decision on *how* to present some bit of news, oftentimes I just won't. Fortunately other people on DW seem to do a glorious job of that when I can't or won't.

Until recently - due mostly to the sped-up timing of this regime - my decisions on what to write have gotten faster. I was more or less keeping up during the worst chaos, but then their timing slowed down, which threw me off because I was getting used to making decisions on how to frame things almost by the hour. You get good at something and then - without changing course - they slow up the timing so they - not you - can regroup.

I thrive not on creating chaos but on finding and organizing it, so the fact that they've slowed up some doesn't delight me because it throws my five filters off and they're going to do the same shit I've been saying they're going to do anyway, it's just going to take longer to get official word on it so I can figure out how to connect it to any other outrages they're perpetuating.

Anyway, as hours and sometimes days roll by I keep on reading and listening and thinking, and inevitably what I learn - even if I read about a hundred things in a sitting - starts hitting a fourth filter, where I go over any patterns and oversights made by the media yet again. Are they real? Are they patterns? Are there important enough oversights to mention? From there the jump to my fifth filter - if I make it - is easy and inevitable: how I will frame this for others to read and understand? Should I?

Oh, hell yeah. Doesn't mean I'm happy about it, though. This is the Sad!dest administration I've ever seen. And this particular Congress? Unfairly elected through the flimflam of gerrymandering, because they can't get in any other way because no majority wants them, so they don't try to anymore - which is the reason you see so many protests at town halls, out in the street, and anywhere else people tend to gather to point out - if not in so many words - that these essentially self-elected destroyers can pretty much go get fucked.

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