marahmarie: Sheep go to heaven, goats go to hell (Default)

This article, to be precise.

The author pisses all over the laptop's parade for three, breathlessly delivered main reasons:

  • all laptops will become bombs, or be treated as such, so no more knee-warmer for you
  • only Apple makes laptops; Apple laptops absolutely blow
  • only young people exist; young people don't age anymore and only buy smartphones and don't ever decide they want something more sophisticated or powerful, so there

While there's much ado about how powerful and sophisticated smartphones are becoming (for instance, 4K screens) there's no mention of how Android is about as secure as a pile of gold ingots left in a busy parking lot in broad daylight with a sign on top with the words "STEAL ME" written in foot high letters, nor of how a small screen that doesn't hold itself up when you need to type with both hands will always be a small screen that doesn't hold itself up when you need to type with both hands, and will be until smartphone makers figure out how to make a phone that unfolds, revealing not just a full-size screen but a full-size keyboard.

If I wasn't quite so stunned at what passes for deductive reasoning here I'd laugh, because the above list - if say, the author was kidding, and this was April's Fool Day - might actually be kind of funny.

marahmarie: Sheep go to heaven, goats go to hell (Default)

Being a true despiser of all things Google, I decided a few weeks back that the best thing to do was get a new smartphone that runs Android.

I'll let that fact roll around for a minute.

Do I actually need to go on?

The damn thing doesn't even work without GMail. And I hate GMail. With the burning passion of a thousand suns. Sure, without Gmail it'll still make a phone call or surf the web, but all you've got without GMail is a tiny little brick incapable of downloading a single app or storing any contact info.

So grudgingly, with much sighing and cursing, I got another GMail address (the first dozen usernames I tried were all taken - it was just like signing up for AOL). My new address resembles a tiny part of my real name (all variations of my real name were taken), so I'm now going by Nickname.Digits. On the upside, it's a fairly short name (just eight characters); on the downside, I can't even store the number for a taxi without it being tied to my GMail, which grates on my fucking nerves.

I got this phone because I wanted to try out at least one smart phone before I die, and seeing how fast my mom went, I figured that could be any day now. So I was looking at pay-as-you-go because it's what I've always done.

With Android I figured I'd get a real OS out of it, so I could have Firefox and run my userscripts. But the OS is so old (2.3, Gingerbread) that it won't run Firefox (it won't even run Chrome, which should run natively, for Christ's sake) so I'm stuck with the native browser (at least you can get a black and white Google on it, as opposed to the Christmas tree-looking crap I write scripts just to destroy) and Opera Mobile.

I'd use Opera Mini or Next but they chew up websites - literally destroy them. Then there's something called Dolphin which I uninstalled the moment I saw it because it looks like Avant for mobile, which almost makes me sick because it reminds me that people still use IE.

With my main reason for buying the phone (being able to use good browsers) down the drain with the age of the OS, I now own something with almost no battery life, a screen that's obnoxiously mule-headed about responding to even the most strenuously applied touch, that's too tiny to read comfortably even after ultra-enlarging the text, a soft keyboard that's nearly impossible to work unless you've got toothpicks for fingers - that ties my every contact, my every phone call, all of my Google searches, my every installed app, my exact location at any given moment, and god knows what else to my fucking Nickname.Digits GMail account. I can't even describe how much it annoys me.

On the plus side? After messing around extensively with my coworker's beautiful white Samsung/Windows 7 phone the other night, I'm pretty sure I'm getting one of those next, even if it does tie me down to a contract. While I doubt I'll root my current phone just to run Firefox and GoogleBar Redone (which are the only two reasons on Earth I'd normally root anything), I'd gladly root the hell out of it to run Windows 7 - but I don't know if that can be done.

But seriously, Windows 7 is a dream. The big, fat, colorful Metro tiles are so fast and responsive (also all that swoopy, glidy stuff they do right there on the home screen? It's like the phone you think everyone must have in Heaven) especially compared to Android's hard-to-see, hard-to-poke, hard-to-work tiny little app icons. And Android always feels like it has a problem getting stuff done. Windows 7 seems like it can get stuff done before you even try to do it yourself.