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Date: Jan. 16th, 2017 07:33 am (UTC)
marahmarie: my initials (MM) (Default)
From: [personal profile] marahmarie
People can be both. I was the latter, which can teach you how to be the former rather well.

(I blame it on certain parenting styles. An overbearing, authoritarian, and uh, hands-on parent can produce a pretty bullied child who in turn might be more likely to be bullied in school, re-enforcing negative lessons. I'm nothing if not a sponge, I literally soak lessons in, so I can see - and am capable of reacting - to the world from both sides of that experience.)

You don't stand up to authoritarians. Theirs really is the last word. You learn that early on if you grow up with one.

I didn't mention it in the post for the sake of keeping things simple, because it was way too complicated to fit in without winding in another direction. But Trump and my mom grew up in the same town, possibly in the same neighborhood, around the same time, both are/were from late 1800s-early 1900s emigrated ethnic German families and seem to have/had similar "do it now" styles, so I recognize the pattern in very granular detail - I can almost guarantee he doesn't (and will never) think he's an authoritarian. My mother was identical in this respect: she thought there was nothing tyrannical about merely being right. This might be a German thing. I have no idea.

My personal experience is you don't stand up to authoritarians, not to their faces. It enrages them, so the grip (emotional or otherwise) they've got on you will merely get harder to escape from. In the moment they have no other defense but to tighten their grip.

As I got older I learned you don't openly defy them, you just get the hell out of their sight and then do whatever you want. When you return, they ask less questions, behave more respectfully, and seem to gain a small sense that you are your own person, not their very own automaton. This lesson, though, has to be re-enforced constantly because old habits do die hard.

I love my mom, and she was actually, in more ways than one, and in more ways than not, an incredible person. But I guess we had our moments.
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