marahmarie: my initials (MM) (Default)

Said the same way anyone might say: "You gotta have the Christmas tree". Mariah, in case no one's noticed, has not been not rich for over 20 years, and in her casual, tossed-off remarks invoking the Reindeer Act of 2015, it shows.

So is she lobbying Congress to have the Reindeer Act formally passed (sponsored by her "good friend" Oh, Santa!) requiring at least one reindeer on every front lawn, in every parking lot and upon every roof by such and such time upon threat of tax penalty for non-compliance? If reindeer become so ubiquitous, thanks to her, that like Cabbage Patch dolls everything about them just fades away - no matter how much she rants and raves about reindeer making things more festive - will she eventually revoke the Reindeer Act? Should we let her or should prospectors amongst us just snatch up all the reindeer cheap, for pennies on the dollar, to hoard them until they fetch $10k apiece on eBay?

Where do you buy them? I mean, the last time I checked, they weren't hanging out at WalMart flashing big red Buy Me noses at me. In fact, they were not in Walmart. If you're not Mariah, though, or a handful of people about as rich, chances are you're getting them at Walmart, whether Walmart fucking has them or not.

So, should Sam Walton's progeny be made to sit down with reindeer suppliers? Who are they? Are they in Russia? Alaska? Will they do business with anyone except Mariah or Sarah Palin? What if the reindeer must be flown in? I mean yes, there are cargo ships, but that must be brutal on things with tender asparagus spears for legs and oversized red noses. What do they eat? Mariah's might live on honey and butterflies but ours will probably require feed. How much will it cost? Will there be tax credits to make it more affordable?

Where will my reindeer crap? Will they piss on my roses? Will they get along with my cats? Can I fly one? I think deer smell bad. Does that mean I don't have to have any?

marahmarie: my initials (MM) (Default)

So, ha ha ha (or is that: "ho ho ho"?), there I was today trippin' past the Christmas tree on my way to the dryer, silently, I might add, when my HugFun (made in China) voice-activated Santa, who sits beneath it, started yelling "Why HELLO THERE!" like some drunken pick-up artist in a bar.

Looks innocent, but has a filthy mind.

You have to push a button on his left hand to start him up, so voice-activated Santa is really push-button-activated Santa. But nobody pushed his button. I can't even blame the cat. Stuart was nowhere around, I swear! So I grumbled and got my laundry out of the dryer before it wrinkled, because I'm completely OCD about wrinkles, ugh.

I tripped past voice-activated Santa a few minutes later. He was still yelling "Why HELLO THERE!" to anyone who'd listen - perhaps invisible friends? I folded laundry in the next room but couldn't escape him - he's LOUD - and was speaking in what sounded like tongues. At this point I was like, "WTF?" - I could barely fold laundry for the distraction.

A few minutes later I pressed the button to turn him off but it just turned him back on, like a computer restart. He made a perfectly endless speech about who he is and what he does (if you ask questions from a book he comes with he'll tell you, but this Santa does that without anyone saying a thing).

His speech went on for 20 minutes (maybe closer to 20 seconds) before I snapped, "OK, shut the fuck up!" At which point he said in a low, contrite voice, "I'm SORRY". I didn't think "I'm SORRY" was in his vocabulary, so I started freaking out.

And it gets FREAKIER [cue Twilight Zone music]... )