marahmarie: my initials (MM) (Default)

I did this last year, too, and it was a great, big, hilarious joke because I didn't accomplish one thing I really wanted. There were Reasons. Something in my body is failing (since last winter it has hurt throughout one arm, one leg, and part of another but without health care I don't deserve to be able to do anything about it) so there went the exercise/drop weight part of my resolutions (but in all truth, two+ miles of walking up to seven days per week for two jobs last year - some of it in all the pain I'm in right now - did not lead me to lose any weight, so exercise might not be the answer. I'd prefer to do weights, but will not dare, in case what I'm going through is joint-related).

I wasn't able to go back to school because New York lost any record of me graduating from anything, and without a diploma you don't pass Go. This means I can verify I went to high school - I actually called my high school last spring and cajoled them into finding my attendance records. But graduate? They were like...much more politely than this; the lady who investigated this did not really have to, was extremely patient and literally rifled through every attendance record my hometown had, with zero diploma results and it took her like a week to do that..oh heck no - who are you, again?

It was nice to hear my own accent, anyway; moving 1500 miles away, then calling my school after last hearing it 15 years ago, I recalled instantly from their voices just how particular my hometown's accent is - closer to Boston's than anyplace else. If you come from LI or NY, you might know Staten Islanders have an accent all their own - same for my hometown. I don't know why, though I'd speculate it has to do with that and nearby areas having an unusually high amount of English farmers/settlers.

As for coding, I made zero progress learning or using CSS3, since I see it as closer to animation than having any practical use (OK, so perhaps this is a bit sideways. It might be due to my instinctual and totally overwhelming disdain for Flash, ads, ad networks, spammers, popups, popdowns, popunders, popovers, Pop Tarts&Trade; or any kind of page-blocking join-my-newsletter, get-my-email bullshit, but regardless, my revulsion has proven a huge roadblock to using fancy CSS). I mean, I use CSS3 like crazy compared to maybe even a year ago (?) but it's for more backend objectives like doing calculations and measurements or getting around DW's convoluted HTML and CSS. I use it covertly!

But I'm so unimpressed by flashing/fading/blinking links, spinning circles, rotating images and multi-column pages (which aren't exactly pure CSS3, anyway; to do those right I think you need a good HTML5 framework, as well) and knowing DW's strong accessibility focus, I'm so afraid of someone having a seizure from something flashing, blinking or moving on my page, that I've made a very conscious decision to just pretend those aspects of CSS3 don't exist (I mean, even transitions on links bother me down at this level now. I just don't see the point).

And Javascript. Ah, Javascript. The nice thing about knowing HTML5 and CSS3 are available and more fully browser-supported and commonly used is that technically (give it another 10 years, if you're in doubt) I won't need to learn it nor use it anymore. The older, original technologies will have morphed to take its place, which will give us faster, safer web pages with more fully thought-out capabilities that don't slow your system - be it your laptop, phone, or tablet - to an absolute crawl while they bog down on whatever the JS is trying to do that non-programming languages like HTML and CSS3 can do better, faster, and with so much less bogging. I hate to sound likereallysuperexcited, but I am.

OK, so with those three resolutions knocked clear off my plate last year, there isn't much left. I'm not going to cure cancer unless I do that in a next life. There will be a next life. But I'll have to think hard on that, because once reincarnation is possible curing cancer is just proof-of-concept grandstanding showoffish bullshit. If I could reincarnate and send the cure back to the past that might be worth wasting time over. I'm not going to buy Dreamwidth unless I win Lotto and then yes, if it's possible, I'm going to buy Dreamwidth, or at least invest so much we'll never lack for good code, good coders or most-requested items again.

I had something about becoming a pop singer on last year's post. That's more a bucket list item. Your hostess can sometimes carry a tune, but sometimes can't. That said, once I've life, I guess - but still think I'm in fairly good health, I'd like to maybe put a video or two down on YouTube. Covers. Whatever. 20 people might listen, ever, and I'll be happy. In fact, I might make it invite-only. Just for fun.

I did do one thing on last year's list - three real jobs in all, but with moving multiple times and hours getting cut and other hogwash they turned out to mostly not be so real. I don't know. I'm actually the kind of person that'd rather write or code from home than leave the house. I don't know what to do about that. Which brings me to this year's list, which is zero gravity, short and sweet, because I'm getting tired of this.

  • Get the diploma straightened out. That might require time, money, and even the taking of a GED, if I've got this right, because I can't prove I graduated. Which you know, is like I fell into someone's black hole. This from someone who if she hadn't lost her hard-copy diploma about 20 years ago, and hadn't had her hometown lose any record of giving her one, could have technically completed college and graduate studies by now. I am pissed!
  • Go back to school. Preferably online course work, preferably web technologies and writing courses. To do frontend, not backend work. I'll learn backend because it would be nice to just spit websites out like it's nothing. But I'm afraid of falling down the programming language rabbit hole and never crawling out again. And if anyone even says PHP to's the one backend code I kind of taught myself parts of years ago and completely despise. I watched a website literally unravel last night over PHP errors. I made the same damn mistakes and watched my own website split its guts in exactly the same manner. I was Picard *facepalm* sad, looking at that, let me tell you, because PHP is a nightmare.
  • Maybe quit smoking. I like smoking. But I've got a cold and the resultant bronchitis that I can barely control on more Mucinex than anyone should take is sort of a wakeup call that this is stupid. Someone in my house got diagnosed with COPD last week. He's 54. I mean, really.
  • Win Lotto, win Lotto, win Lotto. All it takes is a dollar and a dream...
  • Stop making lists still stands. I really hate these things*.

*Mostly because New Year's resolutions are more wishful thinking or things we should be doing all year long - though the year itself, it could even be argued, is an artificial, useless delineation. Like Christmas. Have I ever mentioned we save all the good stuff we could be giving people every day for just one day, and call it Christmas? Or that when we do it, we don't even get people what they want? It's such an inconsiderate, wasteful, stupid holiday but think of the kids, MM...

marahmarie: my initials (MM) (Default)
  • Cure cancer
  • Buy Dreamwidth (will Denise let me? I'll probably never win Lotto fast enough to find out)...
  • Become a Billboard-charting pop singer
  • Start my own video log on Youtube (something like the talking/singing/dancing version of Chocolate Rain only in multiple installments...because I'm not normal)
  • Go to school...probably online-only...I applied for grants on Christmas Eve and am eligible for up to (or maybe it's "at least") $14k...
  • If I get the grants - and find time to go to school and work, since I'll probably need to do both - take at least one course to help me understand Javascript. For 10 years I've beat my head against that wall while so many others seem to look at it and go, "Wall? What wall???".
  • I want to understand not only how JS works but also learn to build websites from scratch as though CMSs - and Wordpress, especially - were never a thing. I want someone to teach me. I taught myself HTML and CSS (all versions up to the current ones except for HTML5, which I haven't thoroughly examined) and I'm done teaching myself and tired of fucking around not learning more.
  • Get another bike because my God, that sucked, taking back the one I still had last week. But (besides needing the money back for it, anyhow) it was an inch too tall and there was no help for it except to saw down the pole under the seat, which I'd normally have done by now if I'd kept it, but I can't get my usual help around here - he's been too tied up. My next bike will probably be used to save spending too much (anything over $25-45 is probably "too much").
  • Lose weight - this is not a ding against carrying extra weight, btw, for anyone else reading - I'm simply uncomfortable where I'm at with it. I want it gone. Unfortunately, every year that I yo-yo yet again (which is pretty much every single year) my metabolism slows from the yo-yoing, while my resolve waivers.
  • Stop hating myself for not losing weight - I'm still strong, fast, and healthy. Did I mention fast? I can walk again - really fast. I'm still in pain by the end of every afternoon/early evening and there are still days I hurt all day long, from the moment my feet hit the floor until I crawl back into bed again that night, but it's not been so bad that I can't skip medicating it most of the time. So at least there's been that.
  • Be nice and remember how nice people are to me. Sometimes it is a Wonderful World - even given the constant emotional wreckage and unending suckage one might encounter.
  • Get a Real Job - not just some minimum wage horseshit like I always have...except for waitressing, which can sometimes be a bonanza for me. This resolution could read "take more control of your life"; same difference. Even if it's just becoming a (fully-self-supporting, with no boss over me) Top Rated eBay Seller, I would consider that a total success compared to where I'm at now.
  • Stop making lists. Because my God, they're so fucking exhausting.
marahmarie: my initials (MM) (Default)



2010 was an awful year and a not-so-awful year (for what could have been much worse). I'm grateful for what didn't go wrong but still in 13 shades of shock over what did. I think my mom getting sick, giving my child away, breaking up with my ex, and gaining weight were major low-points.

Being jobless, not so much. I always knew I'd get a job (and I did, at exactly the right moment) so I wasn't worried, since I had enough money to get by. I also knew I'd get my current position from the day I walked in there, when it was first offered - but I had fear of failure, also known as "flop sweat", so I turned it down. And got it, anyway.

Moving from LiveJournal to Dreamwidth this year not only wasn't bad - overall, it's been one of the best things I've ever done. I've met good people here, re-connected with a few LJ friends, and don't miss LiveJournal (well, I miss the amount of traffic it gave Anti-AOL, but I don't miss the ads or the link-hijacking - so, you know, you can't have everything).

My plans for 2011 are The Usual: take over the world, cure cancer, meet the right person, maybe have kidlets (I cannot believe I've waited this long, but...yeah, I would maybe like to), donate at least 50% of my income to charity and good causes (once I have an income big enough to donate - right now I have nothing)...just the usual, I guess...oh, and drop that last 10-15 pounds. And quit smoking! And learn JavaScript - and Dreamwidth s2!

My wishes for anyone reading? That you remain in or else get into good health (because without your health, you really have nothing), that you find work if you're currently looking, that your home stays safe (or that you find a good home if the one you're in is not), and that peace and fun follow you all your days. Or something like that.

Enjoy the New Year!